Celebrity 'Reality' TV

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear....Neanderthal man is alive and well and parading around the Celebrity Big Brother House in the guise of Evander Holyfield (top -right). The four-time world heavyweight boxing champion, famous for having part of his ear bitten off by Mike Tyson in 1997, believes that homosexuality can be 'cured', has also admitted to thumping a horse in the face, and if that wasn't enough for one series of Celebrity Big Brother, has opined his belief that men and women will never be equal.  I am shaking my head at his stupidity!  Not at his stupidity in holding these outdated beliefs, (I am sure there are thousands of others of similar opinions) but his stupidity in airing them on the telly.  Is the man bonkers?  Then 26 year old Dappy 'off've' N-Dubz (bottom-left) waded in with his arse hanging out of 'is trousers man... innit to tell us all that a woman who sleeps with lots of men is a slag...but a man who does the same with women, er.... isn't.  These two delightful souls make Jim Davidson (bottom-right) look like a new man.... and I'm afraid, as controversial as he is I've always liked Jim Davidson, I've even seen him live and he is hilarious. (I know....I know, there goes my street cred).

And don't get me started on Lee Ryan 'off've' Blue! (second row-left) Oh, ok then.  Surely this idiot must have been specifically paid to be a dick head.  All he's short of is a rattle and a bib.  A bib to soak up all the drool as he tries to decide whether to bed Casey (top-middle) or Jasmine (second row-right) ('celebrities' I've certainly never heard of) and a rattle to throw out of his pram when it all goes tit's up.... see what I did there?

Louisa (third row-left), someone else I'd never heard of - who is best known for being a runner-up on The Apprentice has spent much of her time in the CBB house bragging about all the sex she has (including orgies) whilst her six year old daughter (or rather whoever is taking care of her six year old daughter will be shaking in their shoes waiting for the shit to hit the fan).  So, yes, it's all very entertaining and I'm sure they are getting paid plenty of money to humiliate themselves in front of the nation but listening to 82 year old Lionel Blair (third row middle) saying the F word is surely a step too far.  I need a lie down.

So, to re-cap then, Ollie (top-left) is a sweetie, Sam (second row-middle) is... er..sort of invisible, Linda (third row-right) is normal, and Liz (bottom-middle) is unattractively self-hating.  Jasmine, Casey and Louisa are wannabes, Lee is an immature love rat, Evander, as already stated is Neanderthal man, and Jim is reassuringly (?) chauvinistic and doesn't pretend to be otherwise.  Lional doesn't seem to be sure why he's there and neither am I, and Dappy is, well, dappy!

And me? Well, I don't know why I'm watching it but it sure makes me feel normal when I do.