A Story Wot I Wrote

Not quite the right time of year for this, but never mind. Hope you enjoy it.

 GROW YOUR OWN

Times were tough, so this year Gucinda was going to grow her own Christmas dinner.  The meat would be delicious, flavoured with whatever yummy goodies she fed it.  Gucinda didn’t want the responsibility of raising one from birth and she supposed, there was always the possibility she would become attached, and that would be the end of Christmas dinner.  Gucy Gander down the road had made that mistake and now had a whole family of the things running round her garden.

So, two weeks ago she had sent her husband Gus to the market to pick up a more mature specimen that she could fatten up herself.  Of course, she should have gone with him as Gus came back with the scrawniest, straggliest critter she had ever seen.  It was going to be embarrassing if she couldn’t get it plump enough in time.  Oh, the humiliation when the in-laws came if she fed them this….this…pathetic creature.

It was a good job it was only September, because at first, ‘Dinner’ as she had christened him, wouldn’t eat a thing put in front of him.  She tried tempting him with tasty morsels of grass but no, he just shook his head obstinately and sat there arms folded, grimacing at everything she offered.

Sighing heavily Gucinda looked pleadingly at her husband. 

“What do they eat?” she asked him “he doesn’t seem to like our food.”
 “Okay, okay,” he laughed.  “Stop with the tortured look, I’ll ask Old Mrs. Goocilla tomorrow, she’s been breeding them for years.”
“Thankyou dear, now go and make sure he’s locked up for the night before we go to bed, don’t want him escaping after all this trouble I’m going to.”

The following morning, as promised, Gus waddled down to the village to see Old Mrs. Goocilla.  He couldn’t believe his eyes when he rounded the corner into her yard.  There were humans everywhere, dozens of them and they were all so fat and juicy looking.  His mouth began to water.

“Hey, Gus, over here,” Old Mrs. Goocilla shouted from behind a particularly large female who had her face deep in a bucket of something which smelled delightfully sweet.  Startled by the sudden noise of voices, the female dropped the bucket and ran over to a group of humans who were all chattering unintelligibly.  Their faces were covered in some sort of brownish goo and their eyes darted around the yard seemingly searching for more.  They were quite a motley crew, all shapes, sizes and ages.  Some of them looked quite wild, while others just shuffled on the spot and stared at the ground.

 “What can I do for you Gus?”  Mrs. Goocilla asked.  “Do you want me to reserve one for you this year?”

“Oh no, no, we can’t afford one of yours this year, delicious as they are.  I’m afraid we’ve had to buy a runt, but he won’t eat anything we give him, just sits there looking grumpy.  I was wondering if you could give me some advice.”
“I can do better than that young man,” she replied.  “Come and have a look in the barn, you won’t believe the stuff they eat.”  She shuddered and added, “It smells good but euugh!  It sure makes them plump and tender though.”

 As Old Mrs. Goocilla pulled open the barn door, Gus gasped.  He couldn’t believe his eyes.  Boxes and boxes, stacked floor to ceiling of something called Gadbury’s Chocolate Selection Boxes.  “Wow!” he exclaimed, “where did you get all this from, and what’s chocolate?”

“Chocolate’s the stuff they eat, some sort of sugary milky stuff.  It fattens ‘em up wonderfully though and they love it.  I import it from a place in America.  Gadbury’s is a farm animal food supplier and they let me have it at a very reasonable price, if I take the ones with short use by dates.  So reasonable in fact, that seeing as it’s your first time growing your own, I’m going to give you enough to see you through to Christmas.”  She chortled as she added “I mean it’s only for the humans’ right?  It doesn’t have to be the freshest.”  Gus smiled at her logic.  He thanked her profusely and staggered home under three boxes of the stuff.  He would return tomorrow with the wheelbarrow for the rest.  Gucinda would be delighted he thought, she had been so worried, what with his family flying over for the holidays. 

When he got home, he showed Gucinda what he had brought her.  She jumped up and down excitedly and threw her wings round his neck.  “Oh, that’s fantastic Gus, isn’t Mrs. Goocilla kind? We’ll have a lovely Christmas dinner after all.”

Gus and Gucinda went outside to feed their human and stood watching proudly as he fell upon the chocolate greedily.  After watching it chomp through the sticky food, and fall asleep with a smile on its face, they looked up at the stars glittering in the night sky and sang their favorite holiday song.

  

Christmas is coming,

The human’s getting fat.

Please put a penny

In the old goose’s hat

If you haven’t got a penny,

A ha’penny will do.

If you haven’t got a ha’penny, then God bless you.

© Tracey 2011