'Twas The Night Before Christmas

(A Re-Working By Me)

'Twas the Night before Christmas and from all round the house

came cries of 'Bah Humbug' and 'Mother, peel them Sprouts'.

The children were grumbling and Father was blotto,

The poor man'd fainted whilst paying in Santa's grotto.

The problem you see was the last minute trudging

And every last penny was spent rather grudging.

Now Father had consumed two glasses of Whiskey

and was chasing poor Mother whilst feeling quite frisky.

The children were arsey and couldn't go to sleep

They were over excited and wouldn't count sheep.

The little one was grumpy and worried about Santa,

"Let's leave him a Mars bar and a bottle of Fanta."

Finally everything was calm and stress-free

And all were distracted by decorating the tree.

Playing on the radio were Pinky and Perky

When Mother screamed out "We've forgotten the turkey!"

Panic ensued and everyone cried.

Christmas was ruined, the atmosphere died.

Father, as ever, couldn't care a damn

"We'll just 'ave them sprouts with a nice bit of Spam."

So Christmas was saved and all gave a shout

The dinner was lovely, even the sprouts.

Then they all sat about watching the telly

Happy and contented with very full bellies.